Supporting Someone Through an Eating Disorder: What Helps, What Doesn’t, and Where to Start
A practical guide for families, partners and friends who want to help, but may not know how
When someone you love is struggling with an eating disorder, it can be difficult to know what to do.
You might notice changes in the way they eat, talk about their body, avoid certain situations, or respond to food. You might sense that something isn’t quite right, but feel unsure about whether you should say something.
And when you do decide to reach out, you might find yourself wondering: What if I say the wrong thing? What if I make things worse? How do I help without becoming responsible for their recovery?
These are incredibly understandable questions. Supporting someone through an eating disorder can feel overwhelming, especially when you love them deeply and wish you could take the pain away.
But you don’t need to have all the answers.
Sometimes, one of the most meaningful things you can offer is simply letting someone know:
I’m here. You don’t have to do this alone.
Connection Matters
Eating disorders can be incredibly isolating. Shame can make someone feel as though they need to hide what they’re experiencing, particularly when they’re worried that others won’t understand or may judge them.
This is why connection matters.
You don’t need to understand every part of an eating disorder to be a safe person for someone experiencing one. You can listen, stay curious, remind them that they’re still the same person you love, and continue inviting them into everyday life even when recovery feels difficult.
Sometimes support looks less like having the right conversation and more like sitting beside someone, watching a movie, going for a walk, or simply being there.
Your relationship with them is bigger than their eating disorder.
What We Say Matters
When we’re worried about someone, it’s natural to want to reassure them.
We might say, “You look healthy,”“You don’t need to worry about your body,” or “Just eat.” We might comment on their food or reassure them that they “look fine”.
These comments rarely come from a desire to hurt. More often, they come from love, concern and a genuine desire to help. The difficulty is that many of us simply haven’t been taught what is helpful when someone is experiencing an eating disorder.
Reassurance about someone’s appearance, weight or food often unintentionally reinforces the very thoughts they’re struggling with. Instead, try bringing the conversation back to how they’re feeling rather than how they look.
You might say:
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed like you’re having a hard time lately. How are you going?”
“You don’t have to explain everything. I just want you to know I’m here.”
“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”
“What would feel supportive for you right now?”
You also don’t need to turn every conversation into a conversation about the eating disorder. Ask about their day. Talk about the things they enjoy. Make plans. Laugh together.
Remind them that there is a whole person underneath what they’re experiencing.
Listen Without Trying to Fix
One of the hardest things about watching someone you love struggle is feeling powerless. You might desperately want to find the right words that will make everything better, or find yourself offering solutions because you don’t know what else to do.
But sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is listen.
If someone opens up to you, try resisting the urge to immediately offer solutions. Instead of “You just need to…”, “Have you tried…” or “If I were you…”, you might simply say:
“That sounds really hard.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“Do you want me to listen, or would it be helpful to talk through some options?”
Sometimes people want advice. Sometimes they just want to feel heard. Giving someone the choice can help them feel supported without feeling like their experience is being taken out of their hands.
You Don’t Have to Be Their Therapist
Supporting someone doesn’t mean becoming responsible for their recovery.
This can be an especially difficult boundary for parents, partners and close friends. You may find yourself worrying about whether they’ve eaten, monitoring their mood, thinking about appointments, or wondering whether you’re doing enough.
Being supportive might mean helping someone attend an appointment, preparing a meal together, checking in after a difficult day, or reminding them that professional support is available.
It can also mean saying:
“I love you, and I want to support you. I also think we need some extra help with this.”
Your role isn’t to fix the eating disorder. It’s to be someone who can walk alongside them while they receive the support they need.
Encouraging Professional Support
It can be difficult to suggest professional help, particularly if someone isn’t ready. You might worry that mentioning treatment will make them defensive or cause them to withdraw, so try approaching the conversation with curiosity rather than pressure.
You could say:
“Would you be open to talking to someone about what you’re experiencing?”
“You don’t have to figure this out on your own. Would you like me to help you find someone to talk to?”
“I know this is difficult, but I care about you too much to pretend you have to manage this alone.”
Professional support can look different for different people. A GP can be a helpful starting point, and eating disorder services can help connect someone with appropriate professionals and treatment options.
If they’re not ready, you can still leave the door open. Let them know you’re there when they’re ready and that you’ll help them find support when they want it.
“I’m not going to pressure you, but I want you to know I’m here.”
Sometimes the first conversation doesn’t lead to immediate action. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t important.
You Can Support Someone While You’re Still Learning
Eating disorders are complex, and most of us don’t grow up learning how to support someone through one.
We’re surrounded by messages about food, bodies, weight and appearance from such a young age that many of the things we say and do can feel completely normal. We may not realise that a comment we intended to be reassuring could actually be unhelpful, or that something we’ve always thought was supportive might reinforce the very thoughts someone is trying to move away from.
That doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad support system.
It means there is more to learn.
Sometimes, knowing that you don’t have all the answers can create its own kind of pressure. You might become so worried about saying the wrong thing or causing harm that you pull back altogether.
But you don’t need to understand everything about eating disorders to care for someone well.
You can lead with kindness, listen without judgement, ask what they need, and acknowledge when you don’t know something. Being supportive doesn’t require you to have all the answers. It requires you to be willing to keep learning.
The more we educate ourselves, the better equipped we become to understand what someone may be experiencing and how we can support them in ways that are genuinely helpful.
That learning matters beyond the individual relationships in our lives, too. Eating disorders exist within a world where harmful beliefs about food, bodies and wellbeing have been normalised for generations. Challenging those beliefs requires all of us to become more aware of the messages we absorb, repeat and pass on.
And while you’re learning how to support someone else, remember to look after yourself, too. Supporting someone through an eating disorder can bring worry, frustration, sadness, anger or guilt. Your wellbeing matters, and caring for yourself doesn’t mean you care any less.
Take breaks. Talk to someone you trust. Seek professional support if you need it. Continue doing things that bring you joy and help you feel like yourself.
You won’t always know what to say. You may misunderstand something or respond in a way you later wish you hadn’t. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed them. You can come back to the conversation, apologise, ask questions and keep learning.
Don’t let the fear of getting it wrong stop you from showing up.
You don’t need to become an expert to be supportive.
Start with care. Stay curious. Keep learning.
Where to Find Support
If you’re worried about someone you love, support is available for both people experiencing eating disorders and the families, partners and carers around them.
Butterfly Foundation (1800 33 4673) - Eating disorder, body image and carer support.
Eating Disorders Families Australia (1300 195 626) - Support, education and resources for families and carers.
Eating Disorders Victoria (1300 550 236) - Information, support and treatment navigation, including support for carers and loved ones.
Lifeline (13 11 14) – 24/7 crisis support for anyone experiencing emotional distress or having difficulty coping or staying safe.
Phone: 13 11 14
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 000.
With love,
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