When It Feels Like You’re Going Backwards: Rethinking What Progress Really Looks Like

October is Mental Health Month in Australia, an opportunity to reflect on our mental wellbeing, the challenges we navigate and the importance of seeking support when we need it. It’s also a chance to reconsider how we understand recovery, particularly when progress doesn’t look the way we expected it to.

We often imagine progress as a steady movement forward. We work through something difficult, learn new ways of coping and hope that, eventually, things will become easier. But what happens when familiar fears resurface, old thoughts return or we find ourselves struggling with something we thought we’d already worked through?

It’s easy to interpret these moments as evidence that we’re going backwards. We might feel disappointed in ourselves or question whether we’ve made any progress at all.

But there’s an important distinction worth remembering: struggling again is not the same as starting again.

When We Expect Progress to Be Permanent

When we invest time and energy into recovery, we naturally hope that the things we’ve worked hard to overcome will eventually become easier to navigate. But sometimes, that hope turns into an expectation that we should never struggle with the same things again.

In eating disorder recovery, this might look like feeling anxious around food after a period of greater ease, or noticing familiar body image concerns returning. Outside of recovery, it might mean feeling overwhelmed by something we thought we’d learned to manage.

When these experiences arise, we can be quick to judge ourselves. I thought I was past this. Why am I still struggling? Shouldn’t I be better at this by now?

The difficulty itself can be challenging enough. But when we believe we shouldn’t be experiencing it in the first place, we add another layer of distress: the shame, frustration or disappointment we direct towards ourselves.

Sometimes, the question isn’t just why we’re struggling. It’s why we’ve decided that struggling means we’ve failed.

Progress Can Exist Alongside Difficulty

Recovery isn’t always a straightforward journey from struggling to feeling better. There can be periods when things feel more manageable, moments when familiar challenges resurface and times when we need to revisit things we thought we’d already worked through.

This doesn’t mean every setback is a sign of growth. Sometimes, struggling is an indication that we need more support or that something in our circumstances deserves attention. It’s important to acknowledge that honestly.

But a difficult moment doesn’t tell the whole story of where we are.

Progress can show up in ways we don’t immediately recognise. Perhaps we notice a difficult thought without accepting it as truth. Perhaps we reach out for support rather than facing things alone. In eating disorder recovery, progress might mean recognising anxiety around food and continuing to make choices that support recovery, even when things feel uncomfortable.

We don’t have to be free from difficulty to recognise that something has changed.

What If We Responded With Less Judgement?

When we interpret every difficult experience as evidence that we’re going backwards, we can become so focused on measuring our progress that we lose sight of what we actually need.

Instead of asking ourselves what might help, we start questioning what’s wrong with us. Instead of responding to our needs with care, we feel pressure to prove that we’re doing better.

What might change if we approached these moments with a little more curiosity and a little less judgement?

We could pause and ask ourselves: What am I actually finding difficult right now? Am I expecting myself to handle this perfectly? What support might I need?

These questions don’t make the difficulty disappear, but they can help us respond without turning our experiences into a verdict on our worth or progress.

Sometimes, we need to adjust our expectations, reconnect with the support around us or acknowledge that we’re not coping as well as we’d hoped. Asking for additional help is a valid response, not a sign of failure.

You Don’t Have to Start From Scratch

One of the hardest parts of struggling with something familiar is feeling as though we’ve lost everything we’ve worked towards. It can seem like we’re right back where we started, with nothing to show for our efforts.

But what we’ve learned and the understanding we’ve developed don’t simply disappear because we’re having a difficult time.

You can acknowledge that you’re struggling without dismissing how far you’ve come. You can recognise that something needs attention without deciding that all your progress has been undone.

If you’re finding things difficult this month, perhaps the invitation isn’t to convince yourself that you’re doing better than you feel. It’s to be honest about where you are without turning that honesty into self-criticism.

You don’t have to pretend things are easy, find a lesson in every difficult experience or prove your progress by never struggling again.

Struggling again is not the same as starting again.

Recovery and mental wellbeing aren’t measured by how successfully we avoid every difficult thought, feeling or experience. They’re also shaped by how we respond when difficulties arise, the support we allow ourselves to receive and the compassion we extend to ourselves along the way.

Progress doesn’t require perfection. And a difficult moment doesn’t define your entire journey.

Sometimes, moving forward begins with recognising that you’re struggling, allowing yourself to ask for help and remembering that you don’t have to start from scratch.

With love,

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