Friendship has looked very different throughout different seasons of my life. Some friendships have lasted for years, while others have only been part of a particular chapter. Looking back, I’ve come to realise that many of those changes weren’t accidental, they reflected how much I was changing too.

As we move through life, our relationships naturally evolve. Sometimes we grow closer to people. Sometimes life takes us in different directions. And sometimes, through seasons of challenge, healing, and personal growth, we begin to understand ourselves differently, which can change the way we experience friendship.

One of the things recovery has taught me is that healing doesn’t only transform the relationship we have with ourselves. It can also reshape the relationships we have with the people around us.

When Healing Changes Your Relationships

During my eating disorder, I wasn’t always able to show up in my friendships in the way I would have liked. Like many people experiencing an eating disorder, I became more isolated. I withdrew, and my world became smaller as the illness took up more space.

Recovery didn’t magically restore every friendship I’d lost.

Some friendships became stronger as I learnt to let people in and became more honest about what I was experiencing. Others changed or gradually drifted apart. There wasn’t always a defining moment or a disagreement. Sometimes life simply carried us in different directions.

As I continued healing and doing deeper inner work, I also began looking at my relationships through a different lens. I found myself asking questions I hadn’t asked before.

Do I feel emotionally safe here?

Can I be vulnerable with this person?

Do I feel energised or drained after spending time with this person?

Do I feel accepted for who I am, rather than who I think I need to be?

Those questions weren’t about judging other people or deciding who was “good” or “bad”. They were about understanding what I needed to continue growing and recognising the kinds of relationships that helped me feel more connected to myself.

The Friendships We Grieve

When we think about healing, we often talk about grieving the life we had before, grieving the eating disorder itself, grieving changes in our body, or grieving the version of ourselves that once felt familiar.

Something I’ve also come to recognise is that, for some people, friendships can become part of that grieving process too.

Sometimes we outgrow relationships.

Sometimes we realise we’ve been shrinking ourselves to maintain them.

Sometimes we recognise that a friendship no longer feels nourishing, even though there was never anything particularly “wrong” with it.

And sometimes we make the difficult decision to create a little more distance from relationships that no longer support the person we’re becoming.

That doesn’t always mean the friendship was unhealthy or that someone has done something wrong.

Often, there isn’t a dramatic ending.

There isn’t a falling out.

There isn’t anyone to blame.

Sometimes two people simply grow in different directions. Sometimes life becomes fuller. Sometimes our needs change, and sometimes theirs do too.

None of this makes those friendships any less meaningful. Every relationship teaches us something, and many of them serve an important purpose for a particular season of our lives.

Making decisions around our relationships is rarely easy, and every situation is different. There isn’t one right way to navigate these moments. But I’ve learnt that taking care of yourself sometimes means giving yourself permission to acknowledge when a relationship no longer feels aligned with the person you’re becoming. Not everyone will understand those decisions, and that’s okay. We all have different experiences, different needs, and different boundaries.

The People Who Help Us Heal

As difficult as it can be to let go of certain friendships, healing also creates space for new ones.

Over time, I began to understand what genuine friendship felt like.

It wasn’t about having the biggest circle or always seeing each other. It wasn’t about perfection or always saying the right thing.

It was about feeling safe enough to be honest.

It was about knowing I could be vulnerable without fear of judgement.

It was about people who could sit beside me during difficult moments without trying to fix me, and who celebrated my growth without expecting me to stay the same.

I’ve come to realise that the friendships which nourish us aren’t measured by time or closeness. They’re the relationships where we can show up as our whole selves, knowing we are accepted, supported, and genuinely cared for.

Those relationships have become some of the greatest gifts in my life. They remind me that healing isn’t something we have to carry alone, and that the right people won’t expect perfection from us. They’ll simply meet us where we are.

Finding Your People Takes Time

As children and teenagers, we’re often surrounded by opportunities to form friendships through school, sport, hobbies, or the communities we’re part of. That doesn’t mean finding your people is easy. For many, those years can feel incredibly lonely, and friendship can be something we long for just as much as we struggle to find. But there are often shared spaces that naturally bring people together.

As we move into adulthood, those shared spaces begin to disappear. Friendships become something we build more intentionally, often alongside careers, relationships, family responsibilities, and the many demands of adult life.

We become more intentional about who we spend our time with, who we trust, and who we allow to know us deeply.

That can feel lonely at times, particularly if your circle becomes smaller as you heal.

But I’ve learnt that having fewer relationships doesn’t mean having less connection.

Sometimes it means creating more space for the relationships that truly matter.

Finding your people rarely happens overnight. It grows through shared experiences, honesty, mutual respect, and allowing yourself to be seen as you are.

Every person’s journey will look different, and there isn’t one right way to build meaningful friendships. What’s important is continuing to choose relationships that leave you feeling supported, respected, and more connected to yourself rather than further away from who you are.

A Gentle Reminder

Recovery has taught me many things, but one of the greatest has been this:

Healing isn’t only about learning to trust yourself again.

It’s also about finding the people who make it safe for you to be yourself.

If your circle feels smaller than it once did, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve lost something. Sometimes it means you’re creating space for relationships built on honesty, respect, vulnerability, and genuine care.

Those friendships may take longer to find.

But in my experience, they’re worth waiting for.

With love,

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