You Were Never Behind: A Reflection on Turning 33, Expectations, and Trusting Where I Am

There’s something about birthdays that invite reflection.

As I make another full trip around the sun and step into 33 years of life, I find myself sitting with a lot of different thoughts about growth, who I’ve become as a person, and how I want to move forward in life. I notice the questions that are still there, and the expectations that seem to follow us into each new chapter.

One thing that’s really been sitting with me lately is the expectation that we’re supposed to feel happy on our birthday. There can be this pressure to really enjoy it, to celebrate it in a certain way. And while there’s something beautiful about allowing yourself to be celebrated, birthdays can also bring up a lot.

They invite reflection, looking back on the year that’s been and ahead to what’s coming. As we get older, they seem to hold more layers. It’s not just about celebration anymore, but about noticing where you are, what has shifted, and what still feels unresolved.

 I felt that quite strongly in the days leading up to my birthday this year. There was a sense of being more open, more emotional, and more aware of different parts of my life all at once. And then on the day itself, I felt more grounded and more present to what is.

The Weight of Expectations

The month of March also holds International Women’s Day, and it’s had me reflecting more deeply on what it means to move through the world as a woman right now.

There are so many expectations that exist in the background of our lives. Not always explicitly stated, but deeply felt. Ideas about when we should settle down, when we should be in a long-term relationship, when we should be thinking about children, about building a family, and about what our lives are supposed to look like by a certain age.

These expectations are shaped by the environments we grow up in, the conversations we’re exposed to, and the broader systems we exist within. For many women, this is tied to a cultural narrative that reinforces a particular timeline, one that often centres around partnership, family, and appearance.

As I’ve moved into my 30s, I’ve become more aware of how these narratives can surface, especially around moments like birthdays or even in the lead-up to them. There can be a quiet comparison between where you are and what you once imagined for yourself.

At the same time, there is also pressure around how we look as we age. We are constantly exposed to messaging that encourages us to maintain youth through treatments, beauty standards, and the way we present ourselves online. Even when we don’t consciously agree with it, it can still influence how we see ourselves.

It can show up in subtle thoughts, questioning whether it’s okay to have lines on your face or whether you should be doing something to slow the ageing process.

What has been important for me is learning how to respond to those thoughts differently. Rather than getting caught up in them, I’ve been practising stepping back and asking where they come from. I remind myself that I wasn’t born thinking this way, and that many of these beliefs have been absorbed over time.

When I ask myself whose belief it really is, and whether I want to keep carrying it, it creates space. It allows me to consider whether these thoughts are actually helping me feel at peace, or whether they’re pulling me further away from feeling at home in myself.

There is something genuinely powerful in being able to pause, question, and choose what you continue to hold onto.

There Isn’t One Way to Live a Life

I keep coming back to this: there isn’t one “right” way to live a life.

Especially as women, there can be a strong narrative around what our lives should look like as we move through our 30s. That this is the time to settle down, to have children, and to build a certain kind of life before it’s “too late”.

These messages are often pushed down our throats, sometimes subtly through media, and other times more directly through conversations, including unsolicited advice from family, acquaintances, or even strangers. Over time, they can start to shape the way we measure ourselves, and when our lives don’t align with that narrative, it can feel like we’re somehow behind.

But the truth is, we don’t all want the same things, and we’re not meant to.

For me, learning to feel at home in myself has meant gently untangling those expectations. Not rejecting everything, but taking the time to understand what actually feels authentic for me and what doesn’t.

This has also meant allowing space for the full experience of where I am right now. I am human, so of course there are moments where I notice what isn’t here yet, or reflect on what I thought my life might look like by this age. But there are also moments where I feel deeply connected to what is here.

This birthday in particular brought that into focus. I felt incredibly present to the love in my life. Every message, every person who reached out, and every small moment of connection genuinely moved me. I felt a deep sense of gratitude for where I am, and that grounded me in a way that feels really meaningful.

And I don’t think I would be able to experience my life in this way without the work I’ve done on myself.

The time, the space, and the commitment to understanding who I am, to healing my relationship with myself, and to learning how to sit with and process my emotions. That hasn’t happened overnight. It has been a continuous process of showing up for myself, again and again.

It’s that work that allows me to hold both things at once, the parts of life that feel uncertain, and the parts that feel deeply meaningful.

Growth That Doesn’t Follow a Timeline

When I think about growth now, it no longer looks like reaching a milestone by a certain age. It looks like continuing to come back to myself, building awareness, and allowing space to keep unfolding.

I feel genuinely grateful for the relationship I’ve built with myself over time. For the support I’ve had to process, to understand, to feel, and to express my emotions in a way that feels safe. That work has shaped how I experience my relationships and my life as a whole.

And I also know there is still more to uncover. More to learn. More to grow into.

Lately, I’ve been leaning more into trusting the timing of my life. Letting go of the urge to force things or rush them along, and instead allowing things to unfold as they are meant to.

 Whatever it is you believe in, whether that’s God, the universe, or something else entirely, there is something grounding about trusting that your life is unfolding in its own timing. That not everything needs to be controlled or figured out all at once.

There is a belief I’ve been returning to often, that life isn’t happening to me, it’s happening for me.

When I hold onto that, it shifts the way I experience things. It creates a sense of trust and a sense that even when things feel uncertain or not quite how I imagined, there is still meaning in where I am.

It softens the urgency, allows me to be more present, and reminds me that where I am right now is not something to rush through, but something to be in.

A Gentle Reminder

If there’s anything I’m learning in this next chapter, it’s this:

You don’t have to be on time to be okay. There is no universal timeline that defines your worth, and no single path that determines whether you’re doing life “right”.

We won’t always understand someone else’s choices, and we won’t always want the same things. But that doesn’t make either path wrong.

If you’re in a season that feels uncertain, or if you’re noticing the gap between where you are and where you thought you’d be, you’re not alone in that. 

There is nothing wrong with you for being where you are.

Maybe this chapter isn’t about becoming who you thought you had to be. Maybe it’s about continuing to come home to yourself, in your own time and in your own way. 

And trusting that your life is unfolding in the way it’s meant to.

With love,

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